"Man plans and God laughs".
-(credit typically given to Woody Allen or an Old Yiddish Proverb)

Setbacks are an inevitable part of life, but how you respond to them is what defines your success! Building resilience allows you to turn obstacles into opportunities for growth. Being resilient might be one of the biggest determinants of success in your life. This is a concept I review with my 10 years old clients as much as I remind my 30 something years old. A very basic definition of resilience is the ability of someone or something to withstand pressure or difficult situations. What is more important, is that despite the amount of resistance you face, when you are resilient, you face it all without changing who you are and minimizing your worth. Resilience is a skill that can be developed and improved upon, as long as you remember some of these simple tips:
1. Reframe Your Mindset
The way you view setbacks shapes your response. Instead of seeing failure as defeat, consider it a learning opportunity. Resilient people understand that every setback carries valuable lessons that can lead to personal growth and success. This is why I often remind clients (and myself) that there is so much power in language and what we tell ourselves becomes our reality.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
I often find that people who want to have control over everything are usually the most anxious and least resilient. Resilient people don’t waste time on things they can’t control. Instead, they focus on actionable steps to move forward. When faced with a setback, ask yourself, “What can I do right now to improve the situation?”
3. Break Challenges into Smaller Steps
Large setbacks can feel overwhelming, but breaking them down into smaller, manageable tasks makes them more approachable. Take it one step at a time, and celebrate each small victory along the way.
4. Build a Support System
My support system is one of the biggest reasons that I am resilient. Without them, I am not sure where I would be. Resilience is often strengthened by the people around you. Especially when being in a dark or low point in my life, I thought the answer was to isolate myself. Boy was I wrong! It was not until I began to really lean on my friends and family that I began to get out of my own head and fought the funk. Lean on your support system—whether it’s friends, family, or a life coach. Having someone to encourage you and provide perspective can make the journey through setbacks smoother. Supports can also provide you with an outside perspective, which may help challenge possibly a faulty perception you have of a particular event or of yourself.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Every year of my life a pattern or quote emerges. Last year, the theme that spoke the loudest to me was, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it".. This year, especially when talking to many parents and my clients, the theme that has emerged was "Give yourself grace"! I must say this at least once a week. Setbacks can trigger feelings of self-doubt, but practicing self-compassion can prevent negative spirals. Be kind to yourself during tough times, and remember that setbacks are part of the human experience.
6. Embrace Flexibility
Life doesn’t always go as planned, and that’s okay. Being flexible allows you to adapt to changing circumstances and pivot when needed. Resilient people stay open to new paths and possibilities after a setback. That quote I mentioned earlier (Man plans, God Laughs) also hold true for this point. Think about it like this, the more rigid something is, the more likely it will break when put under increased pressure. You need something that has some "give to it" in order for it to be able to resist or endure pressure for extended periods of time.

Turning setbacks into success is about resilience, persistence, and the ability to adapt. By focusing on what you can control, staying flexible, and surrounding yourself with a strong support system, you’ll be able to rise above challenges and come out stronger on the other side. If you need support with this, feel free to reach out for a session to help you build your resilience and grit, for a better life.
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