"When we touch, we are reminded that we are not alone." – Brené Brown
I find the greatest thing about my line of work, is that I am constantly learning more about myself, as I learn how to help others. As I learn more about what makes us successful in life, whether that is health wise, social/emotional connections, achievements, etc., I have come to find that my sensory-seeking behaviors may have been a surprisingly crucial component to my success with social connections. I am really very fortunate to have had so many deep and meaningful connections throughout my life. It is a big reason why I started Special Connects LLC. I never take for granted the gift I have in being able to make meaningful and lasting connections.
I have always loved to be active. Despite being a geek, if you asked me what my favorite class in school was, it would always have been gym (lunch a close second, but I guess that is not a class now is it). I always feel my best when I am moving around, problem solving with others, sharing common goals with people, as well as laughing my ass off and having a good time with those around me. Little did I know that there is a science behind why that has helped me make so many meaningful connections in my life.
Have you ever felt an unshakable bond with someone after a deep conversation or a moment of shared laughter? Have you ever realized how much deeper your connections with people grow after sharing novel group experiences, or being active with them? How one random hike or camping trip had you take a friendship to the next level, even if nothing crazy or exciting happened on that trip? That’s not just emotion at work—your body’s chemistry is playing a major role. Let’s dive into the science of two powerful hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin, and how they help us build stronger relationships.
Oxytocin: The Trust and Connection Hormone
Oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," is released during positive social interactions, such as:
A heartfelt hug.
Laughing with a friend.
Moments of intimacy.
Petting your dog
Meditation and Mindfulness exercises
Practicing gratitude
Exercise
Making Eye Contact with others
Deep Conversations
This hormone promotes trust, empathy, and bonding, helping us feel safe and connected with others. It's why a simple act like sharing a smile or lending a hand can create lasting feelings of closeness.
Vasopressin: The Loyalty and Cooperation Hormone
While oxytocin focuses on trust and love, vasopressin steps in when it comes to loyalty, protection, and teamwork. Vasopressin is released when:
- You collaborate with someone on a shared goal.
- You feel committed to supporting a friend or partner.
- You step up to protect someone you care about.
This hormone is the secret behind forming tight bonds through shared experiences, from tackling a group project to navigating life’s challenges together. What is also pretty interesting about vasopressin, is that it is the hormone responsible for regulating the water balance in our body, as well as a contributor to managing our blood pressure.
Vasopressin is the hormone responsible for your loyatly and feelings of wanting to protect those you care about. For example, higher vasopressin levels in men are linked to stronger feelings of commitment and a tendency to protect and care for their partners.
So, how do we boost these chemicals in our body, for better and deeper connections???
How to Boost These Bonding Hormones in Your Life
Want to strengthen your relationships and build lasting connections? Here are some simple ways to activate your natural bonding hormones:
1. Share Physical Affection: A hug, high-five, or even holding hands can trigger oxytocin. As you can imagine, the release of oxytocin is more intense in romantic relationships, as many times the level and duration of physical contact is more intense.
2. Work Together: Collaborative activities, like volunteering or playing team sports, increase vasopressin. This is also why I always recommend joining a volunteer or community based service for my older clients who struggle with connections. Being a part of a team helps increase your vasopressin output. Even a simple gesture as helping your neighbor bring in their groceries can trigger this.
3. Laugh Often: Who hasn't heard that laughter is the best medicine. Like music, laughter has got me through the toughest of times. Humor not only uplifts your mood but also reinforces your bond with others. If you cannot laugh with others, go check out a comedy show. Laughing helps increase oxytocin, which may help improve your mood and calmness so that if you suffer from social anxiety, this increase in oxytocin production may help relieve some of your fears and have you ready to meet new people.
4. Try Something New Together: Novel experiences with friends or loved ones amplify the release of both oxytocin and vasopressin. I have started traditions with some select people in my life, who also play huge roles in my life. For instance, my cousin and I normally do a December holiday trip to go shopping for the holidays and to be gluttons over delicious food. When we try to find a new place to go to every December, it adds to the excitement and build up of the activity. Another example is how me and one of my best friend's made it a tradition to go visit all the NBA arenas to follow our NY Knicks! When it comes time to plot and plan the trip, it almost feels like being a kid when your parents tell you your going to Disney World and you plan everything you want to do there. Novel experiences are essential for your brain all together, so why not do it with a friend, loved one or new connection.
Why Does This All Matter?
In today’s fast-paced world, meaningful connections can feel harder to come by. But understanding the science behind your relationships can help you focus on what truly matters: small, intentional acts that strengthen your bonds. By cultivating trust, loyalty, and shared experiences, you’re not just enriching your relationships—you’re also boosting your own happiness and well-being. Next time you’re with a friend, loved one, or even a coworker, think about how your actions can create deeper connections. A laugh, a hug, or a moment of teamwork isn’t just a fleeting interaction—it’s a chemical signal of trust, loyalty, and love. So, what’s your next move? Share a smile, connect, and feel the difference.
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