"The ability to connect with others is one of life's greatest gifts." – Tony Robbins

I hear it all the time, “Kids these days don’t know how to connect face-to-face anymore.” Honestly, they’re not completely wrong. In a world filled with TikTok videos and Instagram filters, real-life social skills can get lost in the shuffle. This also becomes a huge issue for when teens meet their online friends, in-person. Many times, the avatar or the character people represent in the digital world, do not show up the same way in real life. This mistrust and disappointment in expectation only further creates barriers to in-person connections. I often try to remind my teen and young 20 something years old clients that no amount of online presence or popularity can replace the value of genuine, in-person interactions—especially as teens grow and prepare to navigate life independently.

Over the years, working with kids and young adults, I've seen firsthand how specific social skills can make a real difference in their lives. The best part? These skills aren’t just for now; they’re tools for life! Let’s break down the five key social skills every teen should master for personal and professional success.

1. Active Listening: More Than Just Hearing

Most people think they’re good listeners… until they’re asked, “What did I just say?” Active listening is more than just waiting for your turn to speak. It’s about really tuning into what someone’s saying—picking up on tone, body language, and unspoken cues. Encourage teens to put down the phone, maintain eye contact, and ask follow-up questions that show they’re engaged. Practicing this now helps create deeper connections with friends, teachers, and, eventually, colleagues.

As someone who is known to be an excessive talker, I have really had to learn when to shut up! The thing about active listening is that most people want to be heard, validated or feel a part of something. When you overtake the conversation (as I have been masterful at many times in life), people tend to tune out or yes you to death! When you start to get a couple, "cool" or "that's crazy", that is most likely your cue to wrap things up. As I often would say to clients who were not actively listening and trying to control conversations, I would tell them, "I signed up for a dialogue, not a monologue".

2. Expressing Gratitude and Giving Compliments

I can’t emphasize this one enough. A simple “thank you” or genuine compliment can go a long way. Gratitude and kind words don’t just make others feel good—they make you feel good, too. Studies have shown that regularly expressing gratitude boosts mental health. Teens who learn to recognize and express appreciation are building a foundation for positive relationships in all areas of life. And here’s the trick: it’s about being sincere. Tell a friend you admire their dedication or thank a teacher for extra help—they’ll notice.

Practicing gratitude is also a powerful tool for your own life. It helps when trying to keep a growth mindset because it helps you find the positive in every situation. It is a great tool for reframing setbacks and disappointments. If it can be that powerful for you personally, imagine how it affects the person who receives it.

3. Conflict Resolution: Tackling Disagreements Head-On

Conflict is inevitable; it’s how we deal with it that counts. This is a skill most people don’t master until adulthood (if ever), but teens who can address issues respectfully and calmly are already ahead. What fascinates me is that many people I have worked with who avoid conflict do so because they do not want to either be rejected, criticized or offend the other person. Ironically, one or all three of those things tend to happen anyway when not addressing the issue.

It's not about “winning” an argument—it’s about understanding the other person’s perspective, keeping a cool head, and finding a compromise. Role-play can be super helpful for practicing this. And while it’s okay to walk away if tempers flare, knowing when to re-engage and resolve the issue is key. I often tell my clients who have issues with family members or their partners, "It's important to voice your concerns or grievances, but you need to know time and place." So when mom or dad are stressed out because of work and you see they are in a bad mood, maybe wait till things settle down to address your problem with them.

4. Empathy: Putting Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

One of the hardest but most rewarding skills for any teen is learning to see the world through someone else’s eyes. Unfortunately, it seems like empathy is a skill that is slowly getting lost in the mix of our society. We seem to be trending towards being more and more tribal, which makes it increasingly difficult to be open to how those outside of the tribe may feel, think or experience life. However, when you learn how to be empathetic, it can also help you manage your emotions. When you realize there are times people react because of things unrelated to the specific moment (for example, you get into a verbal fight with your best friend, but find out they got into a big fight with their parents that put them in a bad mood), you can use your empathy muscle to say- "I am not happy we got into it, but I understand why they were in a bad mood and I shouldn't take it so personally."

Empathy can be as simple as noticing when a friend seems down and asking if they’re okay. Teens today are faced with pressures that are hard to understand, but by cultivating empathy, they can start to build connections that are real and meaningful. More empathy can lead to more Upstanders in this world. Plus, empathy isn’t just a social skill—it’s a life skill that can shape how they interact with everyone around them, from classmates to future coworkers.

5. Asking for Help: Strength in Vulnerability

This might surprise you, but knowing when and how to ask for help is a huge social skill. This was such an achilles heel for me. Being fiercely independent, I always thought, "You don't need help, you can figure it out on your own." As Maury Povich would say to me, "The lie detector determined, that was a lie!" (As I run off stage crying). So many teens believe they need to handle everything on their own to seem strong, but in reality, strength often means knowing when to reach out. Whether it’s asking a teacher to clarify an assignment, talking to a coach about struggles, or confiding in a friend when they’re going through a tough time, being vulnerable is powerful. Encouraging this openness can be transformative. Ultimately in life, if you want to make it and take risks, there is no way to do that without some level of vulnerability.

Social skills don’t come naturally to everyone, and that’s okay. The good news is, they’re skills—meaning anyone can learn and improve them. Mastering these five basics isn’t just about doing better in school or work; it’s about being a good friend, a supportive teammate, and a kind human being. And here’s one more thing: none of us are perfect at these skills, even as adults. But the earlier teens start practicing them, the better prepared they’ll be to handle life’s ups and downs. Let’s keep working together to build a community where kids feel confident connecting with others, making friends, and building a future where they feel supported and understood. And remember: it’s all about progress, not perfection.